After several years of working 12+ hour days, late nights, weekends, and vacations, I was told I would not receive the coveted VP title. But why? At the risk of sounding like a toddler, the question came out before I could stop it. At this point, I did not care. The logic just did not make sense. For starters, I was ranked a top performer for three consecutive years; I had outperformed other colleagues and tackled projects that others found daunting. To add insult to injury, I was offered a VP salary (yes, you read that correctly) and more responsibility (apparently, the higher compensation warranted more work), but not the title. Others around me said I was “winning,” but it did not feel like a victory.
Shortly after this conversation, I received the call. You know, the call that hiring managers live in fear of. The call that presents another opportunity and lures away their top talent. Yes, I received that call! It was an opportunity that gave me the title I wanted and allowed me to run my own department. This was a great opportunity. It was everything I said I wanted and a little bit more. So, why the hell was I not jumping for joy?
Yes, I led a team of direct reports before. Yes, I had experience making decisions and managing a P&L, but I never had the grave responsibility of making the final decision that would impact the livelihood of others. I always had the luxury of providing my opinion, but the final decision and responsibility landed on someone else’s desk. Was I truly up for the challenge? Do I have the skills needed to be successful? What if I failed? What would people think? Maybe I should just sit tight?
I was at a crossroads. Do I stay at a company where I built a strong brand for myself? It was familiar. I knew the players and the political landscape. If I continue to produce results as I did in the past, I will continue to be a top performer. But I felt stuck. Clearly, I was not going to move up the corporate ladder, at least not anytime soon. My work was easy but boring and tactical. I wanted to be challenged, but not with more tactical work.
I could take a chance and bet on myself. I could step into the unknown and see if I had what it took to own a more significant scope role and responsibility. I could grow my career and continue moving up the ladder which I wanted. But this could also be a complete disaster. I could fail and ruin my career.
“Your only limitation is the one you set in your mind.” - Napoleon Hill.
The Power of Your Beliefs
We have all experienced, at one time or another, that fear that grips us and creates havoc when making a decision. It clouds our judgment of everything that is rational and leaves us spiraling into a world of negative what-ifs. Your self-limiting beliefs, which are always rooted in fear, can significantly impact your life and career. These beliefs can limit your potential and keep you from pursuing what you want the most.
The truth is, no one wakes up and declares, “I am going to suck today!” So where do these beliefs come from? You start developing your self-limiting beliefs from early childhood (no surprises here), and they continue to be reinforced throughout adolescence and adulthood. Over time, you will see these beliefs show up, disguised in the form of fear:
Imposter Syndrome: You know the feeling. You are in the room but do not feel like you belong. You question yourself. You question your abilities. Even when you have pages of accolades that say you are more than qualified and have earned your seat at the table. All you want is to be accepted as a part of the team and be valued for your contributions.
Perfectionism: Growing up as a black female, I was often told that I had to work twice as hard just to be seen as adequate. Talk about developing a serious “I am not good enough” complex!
Believing you are not good enough may cause you to go into overdrive and aim for perfection or become an overachiever. You cling to your results to define who you are. Your results become how you measure your value. As you set out to gain acceptance from others (disregarding your boundaries), you become a successful people pleaser but always at the cost of your wants and needs.
Failure: We all experience obstacles, but if you experience setbacks and struggle to achieve the desired results, you may be less likely to take on new challenges or opportunities for growth. You will find yourself playing it safe and not going after that job until you are 100% qualified for it (sound familiar). Or worse, if you have limited yourself by the opinions of others, you are living up to the expectation of how other people define success—constantly being aware of what others think or what they will say.
As you progress throughout your career, these beliefs will become self-fulfilling prophesies. You will be overwhelmed with negative thoughts about yourself, like “I am not good enough” or “I am not smart enough to take on this role.” Over time these thoughts will chip away at your confidence resulting in your inability to perform at your best. You will shrink yourself to fit in. You will play it safe. You will keep your head down and do your job. And just like that, you have become what you believe.
“But sometimes you have to be bold and take chances” Brene Brown.
Your beliefs can keep you stuck in situations that do not serve you well, or they can set you free. By shifting your perception, you can reverse any self-limiting belief and replace it with the belief that will support you in building the life and career you want.
Identify your beliefs:
Go ahead, grab yourself a glass of wine (or two), and identify the beliefs holding you back. If you are unsure where to start, I recommend you begin with the elements of your career that you are the most unhappy with and ask yourself what is driving your unhappiness. The first answer that comes to mind will be a symptom. To get to the root, you must dig deep and continue to ask yourself why until the problem comes back to you. This, my friend, is your self-limiting belief.
For instance, returning to my crossroads, I was frustrated with the lack of progression. I knew I had delivered great value but was not moving up in the company. Why did I feel stuck?
Because I should be rewarded with a promotion, okay, but this isn’t happening, so why would I not look for something outside the company?
Because I was familiar with the organization, they should be taking care of me. But they have made it clear that I will not receive this promotion. So why should I stay?
Because starting over is daunting. Why?
Because I will need to learn a new business, meet new people, and adapt to a new political landscape. Okay, but you have done this before; what’s stopping you now?
What if I get in there, and it doesn’t work out? What if the team thinks I am a joke? What if I fail? What if I get fired? How do I bounce back from that?
AHA! I am letting my fear of being inadequate keep me from making a move and going after what I want—got it!
If you are doing this right and being honest with yourself, this will take some time but give yourself some grace. Dismantling your fears will not be pretty, but it will be worth it in the end!
Reframe your beliefs:
Instead of accepting your negative beliefs as facts, ask yourself if these beliefs are true. Look for evidence that contradicts them and consider alternative perspectives. For instance, if you left a position because of a toxic work environment, a little voice may say you are a failure. But this is a false narrative. It takes courage to stand up for yourself and walk away. So instead of saying, “I am a failure,” you can now confidently say, “I am brave!” and own your story.
This will be the start of building out your affirmations to transform your self-limiting beliefs. This will be your arsenal to combat negative self-talk and make progress toward your dreams. As you begin to hear that annoying voice say, “You are not smart enough,” or “You are going to fail,” you can confidently push back and say, “I am more than qualified for this promotion.”
By changing your self-talk, you empower yourself to take control of the situation and move it in the direction you want it to go.
Takes steps to push through your fears:
Recognizing your beliefs and replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones is one thing. However, you still need to act! Before you freak out, your steps do not have to be grand gestures, like announcing on social media that you will make a career move because you know you are worth more. They can be small steps to help you push through your fears. Decide what you want and take one step towards it. For instance, you can set up some informational interviews to learn more about the industry you want to transition to. Sit within that uncomfortable space for a moment, and once you realize it wasn’t that bad and you survived, take the next step (like updating that resume).
Over time, this process will become easier (never easy, just easier, remember embracing your fears will always be scary!), and you will feel empowered. So empowered that the next time you see that opportunity but don’t meet ALL the requirements, you will apply anyways.
By becoming aware of our subconscious beliefs and working to shift them, you can unlock your full potential and achieve greater success in your career. You will begin to gain more confidence and take steps toward the things you want, even if they scare you.
As for me and my decision, yes, I leaned into my fears. I accepted the new opportunity. Yes, sometimes I stumbled or questioned if I made the right decision. There were times when I cried because it was challenging. Yes, there were times when I wanted to quit. But in the end, I can say that I completely nailed it and went on to achieve greater things in my career. And guess what? I am still evolving!
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